'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
