He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
