Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
