didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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