I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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