Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
