I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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