Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
