Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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