You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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