While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The uberlube is also flammable
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
