just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
