Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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