Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
