I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
