remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
