Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
