I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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