I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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