i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
