so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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