I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
