me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
