I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
