I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
