Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
