If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need water and some morals
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
