i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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