Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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