They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
