I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
