I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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