A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
