I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
