i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
