YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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