There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
