omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
