Have you finally orgasmed yet?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Randomize
