Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
