Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
