it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
