I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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