You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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