if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
