i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found the puke drawer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
