Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
