It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
