I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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