I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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