I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
