Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
