You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
