I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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