just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
