Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
