come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
